Tumultuous

Well, I haven't posted for a while, again, and things have been quite tumultuous over the past weeks. I asked for help with dealing with my 4 1/2 year old hyperactive boy. A lot of it has to do with the PND, but also my own childhood and emotional scarring particularly from my father. Telling someone was a huge step even though it meant admitting some very unpleasant things about myself. So now I will address my own behaviour and help to repair some of the damage I've inflicted on my oldest son. I guess all this means that I'm finding my way past the depression via medication and beginning to address the unpleasantness surrounding why I am this way. I don't feel particularly strong or couragous in this place; rather I feel a huge sense of responsibility.

POSIE is now going strong. We've had 9-10 people at each of the last two groups and are thinking we may need to expand our group times in order to better cater to the women's needs. We're also making contacts (thanks to the fantastic group of women in the committee) and may receive significant funds to enable us to have an office and some employees next year. Its grown so quickly, and I'm so pleased that POSIE is succeeding. It means so much to me that so many women are finding support and encouragement in attending the group.

Being busy & POSIE

Well, as with many other PND-ers, I've been piling the pressure onto myself and doing far too much with far too little time. Taking Zoloft has been a bit of a god-send, though I know all my problems will not be solved by taking a tiny tablet. At the very least, however, Zoloft gives me the ability to be outside the depression long enough to help resolve some of my grief and sadness. I think watching my children having a childhood reminds me that the power to retain my childhood was removed in many ways by my parent's divorce. For 3/4 of my life I have experienced prolonged sadness at some time during each year. And yet, I see myself as a fairly optomistic and positive person. Perhaps that is the learned behaviour - forcing my mind to see the positive.

So my plan of attack is to continue Zoloft and seek counselling/therapy. And in the midst of all this, keep busy with POSIE! Planning, organising and administering POSIE takes up quite a bit of time. Enjoyable time: time with brain engaged and used. So time well spent.