Sunday, February 13, 2005

Waiting and remembering

Well, its just 4 weeks to go until the official due date, but I'm hoping its more like 2. I can't bear the waiting and my braxton hicks are really painful. I'm trying to be mentally prepared for this birth, imagining what it will be like, imagining holding Toby for the first time. I was in tears with my husband this morning saying "I wish I'd known with Ryan, that I'd insisted on going with him." I was just so tired after he was born, but I wish I'd known how much it would affect me not being with him. I still love him differently to Caitlyn -- I missed out on that initial "falling in love" with him. It took time for love to grow. I so hope its different with Toby, that I'll get to fall in love with him. I don't expect it will make any difference as far as PND is concerned; if it happens it happens.

I'm overwhelmed by the number of volunteers I've had calls from for starting up my PND self-help support group. 30 so far and still going. And I've had a range of professionals from all kinds of areas and locations! Its so fantastic! I think I'll have to expand the initial mission statement before we even start the group! I so hope POSI flies...

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Nervously awaiting and Slowing down

I'm just a bundle of nerves. Waiting is the hardest part, I think, and knowing that Toby won't necessarily come early like my last two. I keep talking to my tummy and encouraging him to, but who knows what will happen. I've packed my bag for hospital, his bag and have the cradle all ready to take him. I'm almost 35 weeks, which is when my waters broke with Ryan.

I'm being forced to slow down, which is hard with so many nerves niggling at me to activity. Lots of Braxton Hicks contractions which have been the full range from simple tummy tightenings to really painful and having to breath through them. Apparently because this is number 3 they can be more painful. When I remember to take paracetamol, it seems to help. My head has been a bit all over the place because of the nerves and I'm prone to bouts of tears now. I don't like uncertainty, I guess.