Sunday, October 10, 2004

Week ending Oct 10

Well, the bottom came today. Probably my own fault for not having a nap and generally overdoing it today. Went to visit Nanna and Pappa and kids didn't have a nap, and I didn't have a nap and Ryan got gradually more and more hyper until we started home when he dropped like a lead balloon. At home, I just wanted to get the kids off to bed, no proper dinner, no proper anything. Finally I just started to cry. Ryan and Caitlyn both gave me kisses and cuddles and made me feel like a right a----hole for yelling at them and getting angry and short tempered. I ended up telling Ryan that Mummys get tired too and I was just angry and upset and I needed time alone. I gave them fifteen minutes til bedtime and couldn't find bedtime dummies, so I told Ryan he would be in bed without it if he didn't find his. He was in tears. But it worked. He came back into the room a couple of minutes later with not only his dummy, but Caitlyn's too! Bless him! I kissed him and cuddled him and told him he was such a clever boy!! And, oh, God, how much less stressed did I feel not having to face huge tears at bedtime from two overtired children!

Being an overtired Mummy is worse, I think, than being an overtired child. At least when you're a kid, someone takes care of you. This week has been difficult because Darren's been on late shifts -- 12:30-9 pm. It wears me down having to do all of the care for the kids in the evenings. By the end of the week if I haven't had a meltdown, I'm wondering what happened. I could never cope as a single parent. God knows what I'll do next year when I have to do this with three kids by myself. I keep praying something will change, that Darren will find a magical job in Canberra and I'll at least have that extra support on hand when I need it most...

I'm sure I'll feel better after a good sleep. I might see if there's something I can do tomorrow just for me -- a haircut maybe.

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