This time of the year is so hard for me. Dad died on 4 January 1989, the year I started Year 12. I was 16, almost 17 and its been more than half my life he's been gone. I think my grief has finally evolved into wistful sadness now. Wishing he was here to see his grandkids and enjoy life with them. I think the turning points for me grieving for him was giving Toby Alexander my Dad's name, my last episode of PND which landed me in hospital where I just let it all go as loud and long as I needed, and finding out about his father, Roman Mazanov, who was taught the Bekova Trio and chose the instruments each would play. Elvira Bekova is quoted in her biography as saying "Mazanov filled his classes with music, recorded and performed... Perhaps his greatest achievement was to instill in me the ambition to be a professional musician." I think finding out about this wonderful man who stood up for his beliefs though it cost him his home and first family gave me insight into some of my own father's disappointments that he was unable to know his father.
Much introspection over the last 12 months. I think my mind has healed quite a lot, but there's still a way to go.
My much loved hobby, scrapbooking, has produced many pages over the last month and quite a few gifts. Here's my latest of two of the three kids:
That's all I can manage now. I'll try and keep updating this a bit more regularly!