Week ending Feb 20

Monday
Not too bad a day. Worried about Caitlyn's snotty nose, but she was alright at day care. Visited a friend of a friend's with a new baby (2 weeks) and talked about all kinds of things, including sex, relationships etc. It was sooooo nice!! Haven't done it in so long, I'd almost forgotten what its like.

My hearing test went okay. There's been some deterioration in my left ear around the same range as my right which is why things have been sounding odd. The Audiologist was really good and he said a hearing aid really wouldn't help the type of loss I've got. He suggested taking it easy and reserving energy and simply having a quiet time with no sound or minimal sound -- relaxing time to just re-group and re-vitalise. Guess burying myself in my book for an hour or so every day is okay! And no wonder I cope less well on the weekend with the constant noise from TV, Darren and the kids. The audiologist said I could concentrate on one sound at a time and that's all. Kinda depressing -- means the social calendar will be difficult. But at least I know now.
Day-rating: 4

Tuesday
Not a really brilliant day. Can't really remember what happened. End of the day was great though -- Ryan did wees in the potty! :) Felt a bit less of a failure after that.
Day-rating: 3

Wednesday
Morning at the PND group. Kids settled into Turra-Tots okay and I think if I'm going to use occasional care in the future it will be there. Then we stopped at Wahroonga park to let the kids run around. Think I let Caitlyn get too cold... Both of them so worn out they barely ate dinner which was just vegemite toast anyway. Quiet day at home tomorrow.
Day-rating: 4

Thursday
Spent all morning cleaning the potty after a few drizzles of wee. Ryan's got this idea that its fun to flush the toilet and will do so several times after pouring in the wee but recognises that Mummy's not impressed when he does it without a wee -- so he does little wees in the potty and goes and dumps them -- like 5 in a row, or more. And each time I've got to disinfect the pot and the loo (cos he inevitably splashes) and its driving me nuts!

Keep getting these breathless feelings and feeling like I'm going to go mad if the kids come near me one more time. I think its panic-attacks. Might ask at the group next week. I'm so sick of being angry. I'm so sick of yelling. I'm so sick of feeling tired and worn down all the time. I'm so sick of feeling like its a constant war with the kids.

Changed the sheets on the bed and feel a bit better. Should go fold washing while the kids are sleeping. Resent doing chores while they're quiet and its quiet. Want to just have a rest on my own doing something that's not related to them. Sorted out some more books in the garage trying to find the 3rd book in the Julian May series I'm reading. Instead, found a bunch of Terry Pratchett which I KNOW will make my mindset more positive. I love his wry character Rincewind -- I totally grok him!
Day-rating: 3

Friday
Had a great day at playgroup -- bussed there and back and the kids were fairly okay on the way home. Caitlyn didn't sleep for long enough, I don't think. Darren was a bit late home. Felt a bit stretched by the time he did get back, but decided not to hold back dinner for the kids. They had leftover strog and actually ate most of it.
Day-rating: 4