Week ending March 22

Monday
Day was great. Bit flustered in the morning getting the kids to two different places, but it was okay. Darren took me to Doyle's at the Fish Market and we had a lovely seafood lunch. And our weekend next weekend is totally booked up with going to Corey's birthday and Spanky's and Mel's house-warming. Felt very woozey and odd in the afternoon, probably to do with the wine!
Day-rating: 4

Tuesday
Called Darren at about 4 and realised it was just because I hadn't spoken to another adult at all today. Had a chat for a bit when he rang me back.

Started out okay, but was a harpy with the kids just before Darren got home and just after. Looked at the calendar and its PMT week so no wonder. At least this time I've recognised it.
Day-rating: 3

Wednesday
Group was okay today. I felt really strongly today that I didn't want to drag myself down and mention bad bits of the week, I wanted to say the good stuff that happened. Like the moments yesterday when I took photos of the kids outside and let Caitlyn run around in little-girl pants. I think I'm going to get her lots more of those little terry-toweling pants from Coles -- they are so sweet and sensible and I can't seem to find anything like them elsewhere. They had such a good time I think I'll just add it into the routine that we spend an hour outside playing before dinnertime. And boy did they wolf down dinner afterwards! No arguments. Although, I did make home-made fetticini which they love!

Cried all the way home from the PND group about the topic of the day -- messages in our head. Mine were all "stupid, dumb" and I felt like I hadn't grown up in a wonderful place. I can remember spending so much time reading -- to the point where I would get yelled at to turn off my lamp at night and then I'd lie and wait until Dad had gone to bed and it was "safe" and then turn it back on again and read some more. I can very vaguely remember being tired at school all the time. I had no clock of my own so I never knew how late I read til. I just remember wanting to be in the Little Round House, or the Magic Faraway Tree, or one of the Famous Five, or with Aslan. I don't remember much of anything else. I never remembered being told I was capable. I think my school reports always came back "quiet, careful" etc. I have a pile of "citizenship" awards in my box of stuff in the garage from primary school. I remember spending time on maths problems and how good it felt to get the answers right. Something achievable and concrete to show I could DO something successfully. Far too much introspection today. I cried all the way home in the car and spent some time at the bottom of the driveway crying more.

Kids wanted to play when we got home so I pulled the picnic rug out of the car and put it out on the grass Darren mowed on Monday. They sat and ate with me on the rug and then had a quick play on the bikes. Perhaps I'll take the bikes to the playground today.
Day-rating: 3

Thursday
Don't really remember if anything happened today.
Day-rating: 3

Friday
Pre-school for Ryan and Caitlyn with me to Playgroup. Talked to pre-school teacher who suggested getting Ryan off to the speech pathologist.
Day-rating: 3

Saturday
A friend's birthday party. Had a bit of an explosion because I was left alone with the kids; Darren went to put money in the parking meter and then did a cursory glance about the place to see where I was and didn't look any further. Pissed me off really badly and I blew up at him in front of everyone. Other than that the day was okay. Kids didn't eat anything they should have, though.
Day-rating: 3

Sunday
Friend's house-warming late afternoon. I had a big sleep in the morning which was excellent. Kids apparently went off to sleep reasonably early so Darren got a nice break through the day too. MacDonald's on the way home was a waste of time, neither of them ate much. Kids were ratty by the time we got home and Darren and I looked at each other at 11 pm and said "Did we just have a weekend, cos it didn't feel like it?!"
Day-rating: 3