EEK!

Well, I've done it now... I've put in a design team application to 3 Angels Scrapping and gosh I hope my OTP projects fit the bill!

Here's one I did of a bowl which is just for scraps on my desk. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nervous about this! like my first craft stall - its scary to be putting little pieces of myself out there.

*stomp stomp stomp*
Okay, I've driven down to Bowral and back once again to swap older children and now I'm missing #1 as well!!! He got all teary when we left and I'm worried. I didn't get to cleaning #2's room and she's missing a doll that she and Grandma specifically bought clothes for (special because it has brown hair and brown eyes like #2).

And its 41 degrees here and we only have air con in the bedroom and I hate that I opened my big mouth and the owner got rid of the pool and I feel so guilty about #1 and #2's doll and I'm hot and I just hate being SWEATY!

And DH has invited some 'net buddies over for a BBQ tonight who I've never met and the house looks like a toy/clothes bomb went off.

Bleargh! Poo-bugger-poop-bum! Okay. Feel better now! :)

New look!

Well, I've finally done it! Customised the piccy on my blog. YAY!

Matching calendar

Well, in a fit of fury because I have had to do dinner and bedtime with all the kids all week and its driven me to distraction, I've made a matching calendar for the wall hanging.

Having lots of issues with dealing with the kids on my own from 11am on. I just feel trapped, alone and constantly annoyed with them. I know this is all me, I know I should be more patient. I know I have to learn to deal with this better... *sigh* I guess it will get easier as time goes on.

Off the page (OTP)

My new favourite scrapbook pass time is "off the page" or "beyond the page". I love scrapbook paper and I enjoy making things that aren't necessarily scrapbook pages. This is my latest which is a little bit of self care too:
Tucked in the plastic sleeves are two of Louise Hay's "I can do it" cards. They are positive affirmations and these two are ones I'm having LOTS of trouble with. Now every time I pass this spot in my dining-room (right near a high traffic area) I can easily read the affirmations, and enjoy the pretty little board pieces I've made to pop them in.

Auld Lang Syne

This time of the year is so hard for me. Dad died on 4 January 1989, the year I started Year 12. I was 16, almost 17 and its been more than half my life he's been gone. I think my grief has finally evolved into wistful sadness now. Wishing he was here to see his grandkids and enjoy life with them. I think the turning points for me grieving for him was giving Toby Alexander my Dad's name, my last episode of PND which landed me in hospital where I just let it all go as loud and long as I needed, and finding out about his father, Roman Mazanov, who was taught the Bekova Trio and chose the instruments each would play. Elvira Bekova is quoted in her biography as saying "Mazanov filled his classes with music, recorded and performed... Perhaps his greatest achievement was to instill in me the ambition to be a professional musician." I think finding out about this wonderful man who stood up for his beliefs though it cost him his home and first family gave me insight into some of my own father's disappointments that he was unable to know his father.

Much introspection over the last 12 months. I think my mind has healed quite a lot, but there's still a way to go.

My much loved hobby, scrapbooking, has produced many pages over the last month and quite a few gifts. Here's my latest of two of the three kids:


That's all I can manage now. I'll try and keep updating this a bit more regularly!

Silly season

Its upon us. The silly season. And I've been managing to feel morose. Daz proved himself the best hubby in the world yesterday buying me -two- bottles of VB which I very restrain-edly only had one glass of. Just enough to relax and stop shouting at everyone. Grumpiness has set in like a bad smell at the moment and I'm really hoping it disappears soon!

Lots of scrapping taking place - lots of avoiding the kids by burying my nose in a project or three. So, feeling ambivalent about Christmas and spent some of yesterday weeping and wishing we were going to my Mum's. Trifle and her Christmas cake and mince pies and ... well, you get the idea. Oh, and extra people to share the excitement of the kids opening their gifts. Mum's like a little kid at Christmas.

Can't think of anything else. Trying really hard to not fall into a cycle of sadness about Dad's passing on 4 Jan. Just makes this time of the year that much more challenging. He's missing out on his grandkids which is the sadest thing of all.

Update challenge (finally)

Well, my new Essential Baby Scrapping friends have challenged all of us with blogs to actually update them!! So here goes...

I've started an altered-items stall at the Hornsby Craft Fair - my first one was on 19 November, and I'm planning on going to the one in February next year (which is when they start again). Learned lots from sitting on my bum all day!! Including that people love a great deal - so I've got to adjust my prices and my craft-making techniques. Also, being in February, I've got a lot longer to create stock!! Thank goodness! Anyway, I'm keen about this and its a challenge and I was THRILLED when people did actually buy some of my stuff. Just need to fine tune it all! :)

Not much going on with the PND stuff - pretty level mood-wise at the moment, which means the medication etc is working. Anniversary of my admission to hospital on Friday week, but I'll be spending it with my new friends, so will manage, I think.

just a quick update

Not a lot to say at the moment - PND seems pretty under control. Which is saying a lot - I managed this week pretty well with Daz working his late shift 12-9pm each day and all weekend together with sick kids and sick me. Actually that's pretty bloody amazing. Last time we were all sick, I landed in hospital after completely flipping out! So I guess the hobby-therapy is helping.

Actually considering going back to work - found a part-time government job I can do from home - so I'm going to apply. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Means I'll probably have to put POSIE even further down the priority list, but it will mean a bit of extra cash in our pockets which can't hurt. And if I don't succeed, well, my back-up plan is to do some more arty type things and try selling them. Canvasses are what I'm aiming at, but also scrapbook, card, and altered-book type things.

Only other thing to add, have had lots of phone calls from students about POSIE over the last two-three weeks - assignment time and they all chose PND as an "easy" one to find services in NSW. I've enlightened most of them to the reality of the situation.

a new venture

A new venture - a handwriting font of my very own! Click on the image above to download the .ttf file.